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A very Blessed and Happy Easter!

I write below a personal awakening story of how and when my love for “The Messiah” started.

Born and raised in India, I am a Hindu (Punjabi) but an ardent follower and believer of Sikhism. My paternal and maternal grandparents, both Punjabi immigrants from Pakistan, were Hindus who grew up following Sikhism. Till 2014 (3 years of us moving to Canada), I had no idea who Jesus Christ was. I mean of course I know the name Jesus and Christianity, but I had never visited a church or had any religious experience with this sect.

I am not religious; I write this time and again. I do not believe in religions or following a certain form of scripture or even prayers. I do the Sikh prayers and know them by heart, only because I was raised that way and because I love the poetry of “Guru Nanak”. But the same way, I listen to Sufi poetry or verses from any scripture. As long as they touch the soul and I feel connected, the way of reaching God doesn’t matter.

I believe in the spiritual masters on whose name these religions started. Be it Buddha (leading to Buddhism), Prophet Muhammad (Islam), Jesus Christ (Christianity), Guru Nanak (Sikhism), the holy book Geeta and the Vedas of Hinduism (thousands of Gods). I follow their teachings and try to read books on their life and spiritual awakenings. I will write in detail on this topic some other time.

From my childhood or as far as I can remember, I have been a lucid dreamer. I see events in my dreams which unfold few days or many years later exactly as I saw them. I fly a lot in my dreams. Up in the sky, seeing beneath – terrains, forests, oceans, cities. Sometimes diving down, touching the leaves of a tree, the ocean, the green grass. All this feels so real that even after waking up, I feel the touch and the texture of a bark, or dew drops, even the wind on my face. It is beyond real and as real as it can be. I am always alone in these dreams and its always about nature. I do not see any human form or animals in these dreams.

Before my paternal grandmother passed away, I was about 7-8 years. (I will share her story on Mother’s Day – the saint she was and how she died of tuberculosis caring for TB patients) I dreamt that she was wrapped in a red cloth and people crying around her. I never attended her funeral as we were not allowed because of her illness. Only my father and other men from the family performed her last rites. My dad did tell us lot later, that he was surprised to see her wrapped in red cloth instead of the traditional white one!

At times, I have woken up from sleep and told my husband to go to kids’ room because my son’s blanket is on the floor and he is feeling cold. Moments earlier, I was in my son’s room in my dream.

My dad travelled a lot during our childhood. There were no cell phones those days and even land lines were a rarity. So, we had no way of knowing his date of return from his trips. All we would know if the state or province he was going to. His office had details of the cities he was visiting and the only way to contact him would be through his office in case of urgency. This was in mid-70’s and early 80’s. He returned mostly in wee hours. And always before his arrival, I used to wake up and say to my mom, “I heard Papa’s footsteps, he is going to be home soon”. We always saw him few minutes later, his habit of stomping twice on the doormat followed by our doorbell.

In 2014, three years in Canada. My husband Raj, still travelling to Suriname (South America), worked on a rotation of 21 days in Suriname and 7 days home in Canada. It was a Friday night, and the next day, Raj was to return home. This night, as many times earlier. I went into one of my lucid dreaming moments. I was flying, crossing cities, oceans, the Amazon, wind on my face and a peace which I can never put to words. For the first time ever and probably the last (I hope not), I felt the presence of another human next to me. A shadow of someone flying next to me on my left side. Few moments later, the hand of this man reached my left hand and held it. I knew it was a man. For a very strange reason, I had no fear, no palpitations or anxiety feeling, nothing of that energy. I felt peaceful and calm, and my mind deprived of any thoughts…. not a single thought. I just wanted to fly holding that hand. As I got overwhelmed with peace, joy and love, my tears started to flow. I turned my head to left, to see the man. I noticed and saw that shadow in human form – the face with long hair and those eyes (I cannot say if they were blue or green). But I knew it was Jesus. That is when I woke up. It was pitch dark outside…. my right hand cold and my left hand all sweaty and damp, as if it had been held for a long time. Even after waking up, I could feel the unseen touch and hand being held. This is the first time ever I saw anyone in my dreams and that too Jesus! I meditated and prayed for few hours after this and since then, I have been doing it everyday.

When kids woke up and we drove to our neighborhood library, I wanted to pick up a book on Jesus. I wanted to know more. On one of the shelves, I saw the most beautiful picture. I found the book “The Messiah” by French author “Jacques Duquesne”. I held the book and went to look for kids, who were looking for a DVD to watch during the weekend. While browsing, my eyes fell on a movie called “Heaven is for real”, a story of a child’s experience with NDE (near death experience). How he was healed and saw “Jesus” in heaven. I picked up the movie too.

Few days ago, while browsing social media, I came across a feed from UN women. According to their intro, “United Nations Women is the UN entity for gender equality and women empowerment”. Their posts titles – “Respect Women” “End Harassment” “Eradicate stereotypes” reminded me of a poem by Nancy Ore, Rosemary Radford Ruether, in the book- “Womenguides”. From the poem below, you will note that not much has changed in centuries and that only our sisterhood, our friendships can be our saviour. Here in the poem “You” is referred to a “Women”.

It is not enough said her father, that you, get all A’s each quarter, play Mozart for your Kinfolk, win starred-firsts in contests. You must come home on your wedding night.

It is not enough said her mother, that you, smile at Auntie Lockwood, take cookies to the neighbours, keep quiet while I am napping. You must cure my asthma.

It is not enough said her husband, that you, write letters to my parents, fix pumpkin pie and pastry, forget your name was Bauer. You must always, you must never.

It is not enough said her children, that you, make us female brownies, tend our friends and puppies, buy us Nike tennies. You must let us kill you.

It is not enough said her pastor, that you, teach the second graders, change the cloths and candles, kneel prostrate at the altar. As long as there are starving children in the world, you must not eat without guilt.

It is not enough said her counselor, that you, struggle with the demons, integrate your childhood, leave when time is over. You must, stop crying, clarify your poetic symbols and not feel that you are not enough.

I give up she said, I am not enough and laid down into the deep blue pocket of night to wait for death.

She waited…

And finally, her heart exploded, her breathing stopped. They came with stretchers, took her clothes off, covered her with linen and then went away, and left her locked in deep blue pocket tomb.

The voice said

YOU ARE ENOUGH

naked, crying, bleeding, nameless, starving, sinful

YOU ARE ENOUGH

And the third day, she sat up, asked for milk and crackers, took ritual bath with angels, dressed herself with wings and flew away.

How beautiful, how so profound “Rosemary Radford Ruether” an American feminist scholar has voiced the above. Her poem is still so true for our times. To add to her poem, I would say that the present-day women face many more challenges which this 21^st century has brought with it.

Along with the roles of a daughter, wife, mother, a good citizen, the new modern woman also faces the following:

• gender inequality at workplace.
• being judged as a single parent or remaining single, by choice.
• the struggles if a woman chooses to love differently.
• the stigma of being a woman with special abilities.
• body shaming if one is not of a certain height, weight, and shape.
• trauma and other challenges, being a victim of sexual and malicious act.

With all the burdens we carry while hopping from one role to another, the best and most needed time has been the time spent with my friends. One can have that feminine bond with friends, cousins, sisters, mother, daughters etc. Here are the four ways how bonding among the sisters always elevated and helped me sort my emotions:

1. Conversations – Well, friendship is all about conversations- the meaningful, healthy, non-judgemental dialogues. The words which are not chosen, are not politically correct, and devoid of any role playing. I am blessed to have friends, with whom I can be “Me”. This inner circle is my circle of assurance, my shoulder to lean on, a place where I can break my silence. No matter, how whacky, out of this world or crazy you may sound to the outer world, in your sister group your words matter, you can speak, cry, and share all your heart’s content. Conversations – the lifeline for friendships!

• Revelations – The other aspect of friendship is revelation. To reveal your self, to bare out your soul and be vulnerable in that trust. Sisters, who know your secrets and you know theirs. The stories which cannot be explained, your life’s journey, your dreams, fears, they know it all. There is a calm in these revelations, the power to bring you from fear to love, anxiety to serenity, from a feeling of nobody to somebody. By sharing not only you feel heard, but also receive sisterly wisdom and advice, either in your favour or against but always for your betterment. True sisterhood sustains itself on a very powerful ‘trust and reveal’ foundation. When you disclose your innermost thoughts to a friend, it is a gift, a therapeutic and liberating experience.

• Laughter – Joy, smiles and laughter! Laughs varying from sounding like a neigh to a Santa’s Ho- Ho, a giggly squeak, or a robust, boisterous one. Laughter where your stomach aches and tears roll, and you have to say “Stop”! The laughter which takes you back in time and makes you forget who you are. Ingenuous laughter, child-like and honest. For our necessary dosage of joy, me and my group not only tries to meet monthly for concerts, movies, dinners, or lunches, but we also plan our yearly all girls get away too (mostly for a weekend and not to far from our homes). This gives us a momentary break from our responsibilities and rejuvenates and freshens our hearts and minds. A must for all women!

• Friendships – This relationship like all our other relationships is not always a rosy one. The way every relationship is tested, this one is too. Like other relations of ours, friendships also go through a tug of war between expectations, yours, or mine. Healthy friendships are worth fighting for and giving your best. Sometimes you must become the family to the person instead of a friend. During terminal illnesses or loss of a loved one (God forbid!), friends are tested.  Circumstances change and things may not remain the same as they were earlier. Know and respect that change. In true friendship, you will stay together no matter what anyone in the group is going through. Love conquers all, always.

We can talk about woman empowerment and gender equality all our life and yet achieve nothing, if the women to women bonding is not strengthened. The voice “You are enough” in the above poem is from our sisters. Women standing up for each other, fighting for similar causes, being non-judgmental to each other, building trust and paving the path for our future daughters. So next time you are in one of those vulnerable moments, go to your sister-friends, have milk and crackers, take your angelic bath, grow your wings, and fly away!   

“The worst thing that we can do as a woman is not stand up for each other.” – Amal Clooney